I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
