Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
