I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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