Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
did i walk over a car last night?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
