____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
