When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
