Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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