Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
