UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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