You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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