The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
