how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
