Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
