I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
