Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
