i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
