I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
