Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I could fuck to npr.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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