I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
