why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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