I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
