i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
