pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just pee around me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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