I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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