Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
