had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
