Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
