Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
