I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
