school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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