wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
