They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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