dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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