Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
