He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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