I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
