Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
