I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
