i just wanna soil my oats bro
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
