Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
