Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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