i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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