You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
