So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How's work?
Spinning.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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