that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
