It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she woke up with a sticky ear
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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