I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
