I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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