I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
