Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
