I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
