her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have demons in me.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
