My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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