Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
