took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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